The Stork


I have been having a major attack of gout for about a month. I have always had gout and all it means is that my right foot hurts for a couple of days. I take some Ibuprofen and that’s the end of it. This time, though, it’s been different. I haven’t been able to walk at the mall for 6 weeks.  I have been through 2 courses of steroids. At one time period, my right foot was so swollen and painful that I couldn’t get a shoe on. I lived in my bedroom slippers for about a week.  On my last visit to the doctor…..actually, his physician’s assistant…..everything was so swollen that it appeared as if my right ankle had no bones. She measured my calf, up near my knee, and my right calf was 4 inches larger in circumference than my left calf.  The P. A. is the one who recommended the second, and stronger round of steroids.  This seems to be working since my legs look almost the same size now and I can wear shoes like normal people. Although my right foot still hurts, especially the toe, I can resume normal life. I can wear shoes. I was even able to play golf but I can not roll my right foot up on the toe at the end of a shot like you are supposed to do to follow through. You get the picture.  I’m better, but not 100%.
I should mention that the number 1 enemy of gout is beer and I might be getting better faster if I kept my daily number of beers under 14 or so, but, hey, it’s hot outside so,  you know.
Now, one of the things I wanted to do this Summer was get better at bowling because I was so terrible at it last year.  So, even though I know it might bother my right toe, I gave it a try on Tuesday.  Well, it was impossible to bend my right leg and push off of my right foot like you are supposed to do. There was just too much pain. So I had to bowl by pretty much just being upright on my left leg and put my right foot off of the floor as I released the ball. Just picture a stork with a bowling ball. I got through it and actually didn’t score that bad for being off for over 2 months.
I was supposed to play golf yesterday and, as I was warming up on the first tee, I noticed that I was a little stiff and sore from yesterday’s bowling.  I was able to get loose and play golf, albeit very poorly, and had a good time.
Another thing I am doing, and you’ll find this incredible, is I am hand washing my kitchen floor a little at a time. The Swiffer just isn’t getting the job done. It is taking some elbow grease to get it clean. I did a little last night.
Here is where all this stuff ties together.  You were wondering, weren’t you ?  I was so sore from bowling and playing golf last night that it took me about five minutes to get down to the floor.  Once I do get down there, I can’t wash the floor on my hands and knees because that would hurt my toe so I have to kind of lay on the floor. I was so sore, ESPECIALLY MY ASS CHEEKS, that I thought I was going to have to call somebody to help me get up. I had to grab stuff up on the counter and pull myself up. For a few moments, I thought about just staying there and sleeping on the kitchen floor. I was so sore last night….I mean everywhere…..across my back, shoulders, rib cage….just everywhere.  Today is much better but my ass cheeks are definitely still sore. It hurts just to push on them.
Here are today’s activities.  Do nothing until 2:30…play piano at hospital until 3:30…do nothing for the rest of the day.   I can’t.

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