The Slot Machine

Slot

Last week I was at the casino and I saw a guy getting paid by a slot attendant. The guy was sitting at a 10-dollar slot machine. That’s right… 10 dollars.  AND. . . .you have to put two in ($20) to qualify for the big jackpot. I thought “What a nut!” I played a little in a $1 machine and I admit it was fun because the machine let me win a little. It’s called “Double Diamonds” or something like that.

Fast forward to tonight (Wednesday).

There is a table game called 3 card poker and the jackpot is over $10,000 so I’m at Delaware Parking, my local casino,  waiting to get the Royal Flush in Spades so I can take the money home.  The lady in the last seat gets 3-of-a-kind three times in less than 30 minutes (we timed it) and I’m getting my ass kicked.  The dealer gets hot and eventually everyone leaves and it’s just the dealer and me. I asked him to hold my seat just to give him a chance to cool down and change the mojo.

I go walking around a little and, just to change things, I put$100 in the Double Diamonds slot machine that was so kind to me last week. The machine would not let me win so I gave it about half the hundred and gave up. I went to another bank of machines that are very popular. The sign claims it gives back 97% whatever that means. I sat to the left of an older woman with black hair. She was playing two machines at a time. I put my slip for $49 in the machine and, on my 3rd pull; the machine starts ringing bells like crazy. The black haired lady says, “You hit the Jackpot!” ”Really? How much did I win?”  “Thirty Seven Hundred and Fifty Bucks!”  So the slot attendant lady shows up and takes my license, asks if I want cash (yes) and says she’ll be back in a few minutes. They made me sit in front of the ringing machine for about 20 minutes before she returned. In the meantime, I asked the black haired lady to “save my spot” and went back and told the 3-card poker dealer to make sure he held my seat ’cause I was gonna be longer than 20 minutes (ok). I go back and the slot attendant and a security guard are waiting. I sign a form and she gives me a W2 and the cash.  They reset the machine and bell stops ringing (thank God!) and I hit the “cash out” button to get my $40 voucher that I have left. Black Hair lady says “Are you not going to play it anymore?” “No,” says I, “I’m going to leave that up there for all my friends to enjoy.” \

I go away whistling back to the 3-card poker table but I had to go right past the afore-mentioned $10 slot machine.  I hesitate because I think how nicely 40 is divided by 10, especially in this machine where you have to use $20 at a time.  I figure “WTF”. I put my voucher in.  First pull – nothing.  Second pull – 7,7,DoubleSymbol -  but no noise.  I think, “Wait a minute – that’s gotta be worth something” and right away - bells again.  The same slot attendant lady comes up. This is no more than 4 minutes after she paid me. “You again !”   “How much did I win”?  “Sixteen Hundred Bucks!”  They make me sit for another 20 minutes but I wander off and brag to Black Hair. She tells me I have been blessed today. I agree and head off to tell the poker dealer I’m going to be even longer. I return and a different slot attendant lady and a different security guard are there to go through the routine. They pay me and I’m off.

The story does not end the way I wanted.  I go dancing back to the 3-card poker to discover that someone at the other table has the JQK in spades and they are waiting to pay her the $10,000 plus. I see her there a lot and she’s a nice lady so I’m happy for her but sad because the jackpot is now only $1000. I go play some craps, lose a few hundred and go singing happily to myself to the car and home.

Is that a great story, or what ?

Respectfully submitted this 29th day of February, 2012,

Douglas C. Neidermeyer

Sergeant at Arms

PS – Please remember that I never publish stories about when I lose which is most of the time.

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