Time………a short story by me.

I have it figured out.

Retired people say “I’m so busy. I don’t know how I got everything done when I was working.” I know. I have it figured out. You did a lot of personal stuff WHILE you were working ( or supposed to be working.) I remember because I used to do it, too. It’s the only way to keep up….at least if you planned to sleep some every day. So now I get real resentful when I have to do something because a company screwed up. YOU can just do it at work…on THEIR time. I’m retired so I have to do it on MY time. For instance….(you knew there was a “for instance” coming, didn’t you?)….let’s say the electric company billed you again after you already paid them. You just take both bills and your checkbook to work and you call them from the office, or the shop telephone, or you pull your repair truck over and call them on your cell. You get the idea. I have to take precious time out of my day that I had scheduled for fun.

I tell you that to tell you this.

I tried to use my credit card for some small item and the guy told me it was declined. Now, this can’t be. I just used it for gas, like, two days ago and there’s plenty of credit available. I tell the guy to try it again and this time he shows me. Yep. “Declined” So I pay cash and walk off scratching my head and then it occurs to me. Now I’m going to have to call the bank and waste my “fun” time trying to figure this out.

I was just about to call the bank when I checked my home messages and, what do you know, I have a message from the bank and I’ll quote it for you verbatim:

” This message is for Robert Smith. Hello, Robert. My name is Will Fuchwitchu and I’m calling to tell you that your credit card and personal information may have been compromised again. It seems our back-up disks that we send to off-site storage have disappeared again. We were doing our own data backups for 25 years and never had a problem. Now that we have outsourced our data backups and the delivery of the disks to the Sanjay Kankavanam Sirika Gupta Information Resources company, it seems to happen every 3 months or so. Our company doesn’t really mind because it only costs us about $1000 a month. We save a ton of money that we give to our executives as bonuses while we tell our employees that we can’t afford to give them raises because we have to try to remain competitive in our industry. Also we’re pretty sure that the outsourcing company sells the disks on the black market but we don’t care since it’s really you that will bear the liability if your identity is stolen since we’ll fight tooth and nail before we re-imburse you for any losses. In any event, we’ll be sending you a new card with a new account number in a short 7 to 10 days. This will give you time to look through all of your back statements and try to figure out everything that you pay automatically with your credit card. We know that each of those companies has a different method for re-instating the auto-pay. We are happy to provide you with this valuable opportunity to sharpen your memory and communication skills. We know you can complete these tasks in only 12 to 18 hours of cumulative time. If you have any questions you can try to get through (voice is trying to hold back laughter) our computer voice defenses at 1-800-GOODLUCKWITHTHAT or you can try (hahaha) to get through our (LOLOLOL) web site that never works at (OMG, I’m gonna pee) WWW.YOUWILLNEVERGETITTOWORK.COM. We appreciate and value your business. Thank you. Oh, God, I didn’t think I’d get through that.” (Click)

So I got that goin’ for me……which is nice.



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