Post_office_visit

The Post Office Visit……a short story by me.

I go to the little post office inside the Zingo food store near my house because no one is ever there. There’s no line like at the real post office. I went to Zingo yesterday and, of course, there is a lady in there doing her yearly mailing. She’s mailing a bunch of stuff and she wants to buy some foreign stamps, etc, etc, etc. I’m in a pretty good mood and not in a hurry for a change so I really don’t mind. The lady looks back at me and I give her my little half-smile, half-nod, I’m not gonna kill you look. I noticed that she was unremarkable. She looks back again and says, “I’m sorry.” I say, “No problem. I’m in no hurry.” About 20 seconds later, she turns toward me:

“You want to hear a joke while you wait ?”

“Sure”

“What do you call a dog with no legs ?”

“Um, I don’t know”

“It doesn’t matter. He’s not coming anyway.”

OK. It’s mildly amusing so I give her a little chuckle and say “That’s pretty good.”

“Where do you find a dog with no legs ?”

“Um, I don’t know”

“Wherever you left him.”

I liked that one better so I laugh and tell her she missed her calling. She should look for open mic nights and do stand up.

Now a guy, older than me, has gotten in line behind me and the lady woking the post office smiled at the last joke, too. The comedienne looks at us all like she’s trying to decide and says:

“A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only celophane. the psychiatrist says “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

We all laughed at that one. She’s done now and it’s my turn at the counter. The comedienne gathers up her stuff and says:

“I don’t know if I should….OK. An actor has done some plays and decides it’s time to get an agent. The actor’s name is Penis VanLesbian. The agent looks at the actor’s resume and says, “Well, you’ve done some good work, but if you want to be successful, you are going to have to change your name. Penis VanLesbian is not going to be accepted.” The actor tells the agent that he is proud of his name and he is not about to change it and storms out of the office. Years go by. One day the agent gets a letter in the mail. It’s from the actor. It says, ” I was angry that day years ago and stormed out of your office. However, over the next few weeks, I thought that maybe you were right. I was embarassed to come back to you. I went to a different agent. I went on to become very successful and very rich. Since it was your idea, I wanted to compensate you. Please find the enclosed check for $50,000. I hope it makes things right. Sincerely, Dick VanDyke.”

We all had a good laugh at that one and, as the lady is walking towards the door, she tosses over her shoulder, “Be good to your waiters and waitresses.”

Just a normal trip to the post office.

 

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